As a cis woman who takes T for perimenopause symptoms (SO THANKFUL FOR THIS), I hate how much stress and self-consciousness is thrust upon trans folks. A pipe dream, but I really wish everyone would mind their business about how folks live in their bodies. Thanks for sharing this - I've passed on to folks I think might be helped :)
I definitely can understand the unconscious avoidance of the pharmacy. Same goes for the new realities of rationing our medicines and perhaps cutting back sometimes (it wasn't long ago I had stockpiles of meds and I gave away estrogen and anti-androgens to newly transitioning people rather than let the meds expire). For me that is no longer the case. My surpluses are dwindling. Even routine things like refills can be stressful. People who are not transgender/non-binary, while not hateful, could have some built-in resistance and uncomfortableness that takes control of them. You have to be mindful that a less than binary presentation can be awkward and uncomfortable for people out there as much as it is for us (anticipating rejection). I remember my early days with my pharmacy people as a bit uncomfortable. But soon I was at least tolerated it not completely accepted. Nothing bad ever happened but I had to go through this odd process with the CVS people and the store managers. I remember one young pharmacist nonverbally saying to me "you're really doing this huh?" As I had to do an obligatory consult about my trans meds mixing with the other regimen I had been taking for bipolar, etc (I'm a bit of a walking pharmacy). I am in the deep South. But they quickly began to know who I was, and accept me. I even talk to some of them about my transitioning and they seem to be half pulling for me. But early on it was stressful for me. Now its routine and I'm just their friendly neighborhood transgender person. A few weeks from now I will be having to present my new driver's license and insurance to them, as my name change is completed with the court. Look, we are all rightfully scared to death in one way or another. I also think presenting as non-binary is more challenging than being trans binary. No question. But without minimizing this new malaise and psychosis we are immersed in, not everybody is out to get us.
We exist on various spectra, male/female, masculine/feminine and a host of others. The middle ground is vast, toward the end points is narrow. Our world wishes to define us narrowly. The vastness is filled with dangers and also possibility. Courage is required to live by choice or to live without choice. There too we live on a spectrum. Love as you can love.
💜 I'm Non-Binary as well, and mostly I am trans masc presenting because I have never identified as female despite being afab. My birth mother's mom came from a long line of Native Americans, but she lost her mother when she was very young. So I know very little from that piece of my ancestry apart from that this great grandmother and the women before her were the shamans of their tribe. I think the best word for my gender - often masculine, occasionally masculine and feminine at once, and sometimes not connected with a gender - would be one of the indigenous culture's terms, but I never feel comfortable saying them since I have no idea which belonged to my ancestors. Thank you for sharing your journey and your relationship with your gender. Being misgendered as female is very distressing, and eventually I do plan to have top surgery. I have never felt comfortable in that part of my skin, and a few years ago I made the decision that while I can afford this and have the right to acess it I want to do this for myself. I have considered HRT a few times, but the main reasons are for the pitch of my voice and to stop the periods (every variation of the pill has had too many negative psychiatric effects on me); and for the high pitch of my voice so much of that is learned - when I'm not stressed or in flashbacks, my voice is naturally deeper and more gender neutral. It always has been. I don't much want facial hair either or maintenance of it. I've never had a desire for sex reassignment surgery, and I know I never will either. But because the periods have been almost as distressing for me as the chest dysphoria, I have considered a hysterectomy or an oophorectomy. I don't know if I'll ever pursue either or low doses of T, but I know I want amd deserve the freedom to make those decisions for myself. And living under an Empire that threatens and diminishes me by saying I do not is honestly more triggering and infuriating to me than I can express in words.
“I want and deserve the freedom to make those decisions for myself.” —exactly 🫂
Thank you for sharing your journey, and the aspect with lost culture. I hope you can find connections and community to help you bridge that gap and offer wisdom and guidance.
T is never a guarantee with any result— but if you choose it or not, I hope you get what you’re looking for.
💙 Thanks, I've read that yes experiences going on T vary so widely so that's been one of my main concerns for pause. I think some time after top surgery and recovery I will have more headspace to think about how to address the dysphoria surrounding periods.
As a cis woman who takes T for perimenopause symptoms (SO THANKFUL FOR THIS), I hate how much stress and self-consciousness is thrust upon trans folks. A pipe dream, but I really wish everyone would mind their business about how folks live in their bodies. Thanks for sharing this - I've passed on to folks I think might be helped :)
Yes!! HRT access helps everyone— Cis and trans alike! I’ve heard great things about T with perimenopause, and I’m glad it’s helpful for you!
It’s the ONLY thing after trying other things and yes, EXACTLY. It helps everyone. Let’s not forget that gym bros have been taking HRT since before I was born. The current “controversy” is not at all about medicine. I wrote about this here, ICYMI - https://elizabethsillecklarue.substack.com/p/the-absurdity-of-anti-trans-medical?r=1h269a
Thank you for sharing!
I definitely can understand the unconscious avoidance of the pharmacy. Same goes for the new realities of rationing our medicines and perhaps cutting back sometimes (it wasn't long ago I had stockpiles of meds and I gave away estrogen and anti-androgens to newly transitioning people rather than let the meds expire). For me that is no longer the case. My surpluses are dwindling. Even routine things like refills can be stressful. People who are not transgender/non-binary, while not hateful, could have some built-in resistance and uncomfortableness that takes control of them. You have to be mindful that a less than binary presentation can be awkward and uncomfortable for people out there as much as it is for us (anticipating rejection). I remember my early days with my pharmacy people as a bit uncomfortable. But soon I was at least tolerated it not completely accepted. Nothing bad ever happened but I had to go through this odd process with the CVS people and the store managers. I remember one young pharmacist nonverbally saying to me "you're really doing this huh?" As I had to do an obligatory consult about my trans meds mixing with the other regimen I had been taking for bipolar, etc (I'm a bit of a walking pharmacy). I am in the deep South. But they quickly began to know who I was, and accept me. I even talk to some of them about my transitioning and they seem to be half pulling for me. But early on it was stressful for me. Now its routine and I'm just their friendly neighborhood transgender person. A few weeks from now I will be having to present my new driver's license and insurance to them, as my name change is completed with the court. Look, we are all rightfully scared to death in one way or another. I also think presenting as non-binary is more challenging than being trans binary. No question. But without minimizing this new malaise and psychosis we are immersed in, not everybody is out to get us.
Just to thank you for writing this. Powerful and vulnerable. Sending you solidarity and wishing you peace.
Thank you! 🙏
We exist on various spectra, male/female, masculine/feminine and a host of others. The middle ground is vast, toward the end points is narrow. Our world wishes to define us narrowly. The vastness is filled with dangers and also possibility. Courage is required to live by choice or to live without choice. There too we live on a spectrum. Love as you can love.
Absolutely 💯
💜 I'm Non-Binary as well, and mostly I am trans masc presenting because I have never identified as female despite being afab. My birth mother's mom came from a long line of Native Americans, but she lost her mother when she was very young. So I know very little from that piece of my ancestry apart from that this great grandmother and the women before her were the shamans of their tribe. I think the best word for my gender - often masculine, occasionally masculine and feminine at once, and sometimes not connected with a gender - would be one of the indigenous culture's terms, but I never feel comfortable saying them since I have no idea which belonged to my ancestors. Thank you for sharing your journey and your relationship with your gender. Being misgendered as female is very distressing, and eventually I do plan to have top surgery. I have never felt comfortable in that part of my skin, and a few years ago I made the decision that while I can afford this and have the right to acess it I want to do this for myself. I have considered HRT a few times, but the main reasons are for the pitch of my voice and to stop the periods (every variation of the pill has had too many negative psychiatric effects on me); and for the high pitch of my voice so much of that is learned - when I'm not stressed or in flashbacks, my voice is naturally deeper and more gender neutral. It always has been. I don't much want facial hair either or maintenance of it. I've never had a desire for sex reassignment surgery, and I know I never will either. But because the periods have been almost as distressing for me as the chest dysphoria, I have considered a hysterectomy or an oophorectomy. I don't know if I'll ever pursue either or low doses of T, but I know I want amd deserve the freedom to make those decisions for myself. And living under an Empire that threatens and diminishes me by saying I do not is honestly more triggering and infuriating to me than I can express in words.
“I want and deserve the freedom to make those decisions for myself.” —exactly 🫂
Thank you for sharing your journey, and the aspect with lost culture. I hope you can find connections and community to help you bridge that gap and offer wisdom and guidance.
T is never a guarantee with any result— but if you choose it or not, I hope you get what you’re looking for.
💙 Thanks, I've read that yes experiences going on T vary so widely so that's been one of my main concerns for pause. I think some time after top surgery and recovery I will have more headspace to think about how to address the dysphoria surrounding periods.
Absolutely. One step at a time. There’s no rush.
💜